Why is it essential to let your child say no?


People who change the world are those, who are not afraid to say 'no'. Those, who dare to question anything and everything. Each one of us was born with tremendous curiosity, the thirst for knowledge, and the will to master all skills possible. Unfortunately, often those qualities are taken for granted, and the older we get, the more they fade away. I truly believe that an independent toddler becomes an independent child, then an independent teenager, and, eventually, an independent adult. In order to be fully independent, one must feel free to say 'no'.

INDEPENDENT VS OBEDIENT CHILD 
Raising an independent child is not easy at all. It takes a lot of education, patience, talking, talking and talking. We- parents- must let go of our egos. But it is worth it! Not only we nurture some of the most beautiful human assets in our kids, but also we allow ourselves to grow mentally and spiritually.
Must a child be obedient to his parents? No, he mustn't.
Must a child be obedient to God? No, he mustn't.
Must be child be obedient to the government? No, he mustn't.
Must a child be obedient to an abusive teacher? No, he mustn't.
Must a child be obedient to a drug dealer? No, he mustn't.
Must a child be obedient to his toxic partner? No, he mustn't.
Must a child be obedient to whoever the hell wants to hurt him? No, he mustn't.
But he will be if we never allow him to say 'no'. 

THE IMPORTANCE OF YOUR CHILD'S FIRST RELATIONSHIP
The relationship with the parents is the first one your child will ever build, hence it is the most important one. Based on it, he will create relationships with other people.
If the child is comfortable to say 'no' to a parent wanting to photograph him on a potty, he will most likely feel comfortable to say 'no' to a colleague offering him drugs. 
Yes, it sucks when I bring the camera to the park on a gorgeous day, and my son not only refuses to pose to the pictures, but he doesn't even want me to try and take some when he runs around. The landscape is gorgeous, the light is magical, the model says 'no'. Does it annoy me a little? Yes, it does. Do I take my frustration out on my child? No, I do not. Because his face and his body belong only to himself, and if he doesn't feel like standing still and smiling, he doesn't have to. Yes, it makes everything a little bit more difficult at that particular moment. But as soon as my ego wants to kick in, I remind myself that my patience is an investment in my child's future. Forcing and dictating the kids always brings back disgusting results, often opposite of what we wished for.

FREEDOM DOESN'T MEAN DISOBEDIENCE 
Giving your child the freedom to express his needs and veto demands doesn't mean allowing him to hurt himself or othersHis freedom ends where other's begins. Kids who got the right to say 'no' will respect other people right to say 'no'
If the child refuses to say 'I love you' to an uncle he sees once a year, do not force him to that. In the future, he will not feel obligated to say 'I love you' to a partner he does not love. 

CHILD'S HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH HIMSELF
'No' is OK. 'No' is an option that every child deserves to have. We need to allow our children to build a healthy relationship with their minds and their bodies. Give them freedom of expressing their feelings, emotions and opinions. Give them wings!




Share:

22 comments

  1. Great post this! I think you are spot on when you say that people tend to think 'freedom' equals just being able to do whatever the heck you want as a kid when that's not the case at all!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly! Thank you, Jon! I hear that so often, that I felt like I needed to write about it finally :)

      Delete
  2. We taught our daughter from an early age to say no when she didn't want to do something. Just like it's ok for us parents to say no to our children too. We all need the word no - it's so important for boundary setting and it works both ways.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your comment, Tayla. You did an amazing thing for your daughter x

      Delete
  3. One of the obs on the EYFS early years sheet is that the child can say "No" to an adult. It is also important to teach children respect though too

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely, but saying 'no' does not mean disrespecting adults :)

      Delete
  4. I think its important for children to learn to say no and to know the boundaries.

    ReplyDelete
  5. As a parent to a teen and two younger kids I think it is important children say no, however sometimes it is a fine line between saying no and teaching them respect too

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Of course, however freedom doesn't mean disrespect and disobedience :)

      Delete
  6. I think boundaries are important, but yes, saying No is ok too. It's more important that they are respectful

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sure thing, but I mentioned in my post that 'Giving your child the freedom to express his needs and veto demands doesn't mean allowing him to hurt himself or others. His freedom ends where other's begins'. Having the freedom to say 'no' in certain cases does not mean having the right to disrespect anybody. If the child says 'no' when I want to photograph him in an embarrassing situation, he isn't disrespectful to me. It is him saying that he has a voice too.

      Delete
  7. This is such a great post I love how you put it down into words !!! Absolutely. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! I am happy that you enjoyed reading it x

      Delete
  8. I agree, its important for kids to learn and be taught how to say no, great post.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Interesting post. Boundaries and the ability to say no to things they do not want to do is a very important skill for kiddies to learn - will serve them well as adults.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It totally will. If we help them to build that strong foundation when they are young, they will be happy adults x

      Delete
  10. This is super important and a great thing to teach a child. sometimes it is right to say No xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It totally is :) Thanks for reading and commenting x

      Delete
  11. Yes it's very important for them to say no, great informative post

    ReplyDelete

© What Mum Loves | All rights reserved.
Blog Design Handcrafted by pipdig